The Trap of Chasing the Next Thing

Two weeks after her promotion, Lisa messaged me.
“I got the role. The one I’ve been chasing for three years. And I feel… nothing.”

She thought the new title would flip something inside her. Instead she felt tired. Almost hollow. Like she reached the door she’d been sprinting toward, only to discover it wasn’t a doorway at all but just another corridor.

There wasn’t anything wrong with her. Her brain was simply doing what human brains are designed to do when we attach our happiness to a destination.

Psychologists call it arrival fallacy: the belief that life finally begins once we “get there.”

We all do it in different ways. When I get the promotion, I’ll feel secure. When I earn more, I’ll finally be enough. When I hit this milestone, I’ll be happy.

But happiness doesn’t wait at the finish line. It never did.

Your brain is wired for the chase, not the arrival. Each time you meet a goal, your dopamine spikes briefly and then resets. Studies from Harvard and Stanford show it takes only days for your mind to normalize a major achievement.

Lisa felt the excitement for a weekend. By Monday, she was thinking about the next level.

The goalpost moved but her satisfaction didn’t.

She spent years sacrificing sleep, friendships, hobbies and time with family
for a feeling that lasted 72 hours. When she finally admitted she still didn’t feel happier, she whispered, “So what now? What was the point?”

The point was supposed to be joy. But joy doesn’t come from arriving. It comes from living. And she hadn’t been living, she’d been waiting.

THE SHIFT BACK TO YOURSELF

When Lisa realized the promotion couldn’t give her what she expected, her entire internal landscape changed.

She had a choice: Keep chasing the next milestone or learn to experience her life where it was actually happening.

She didn’t quit her job or burn down her goals. She simply did something far harder: she stopped outsourcing her happiness to the future.

What she changed

Week 1: She noticed what parts of her day genuinely felt good. Not what looked impressive.

Week 2: She increased those moments, even though they didn’t contribute to “the next level.”

Week 3: She stepped back from constant comparison. No more measuring herself against people racing a different race.

Week 4: She created one moment a day that wasn’t about achievement.

The shifts were tiny. But they moved her back into her life.

A few weeks later she told me,
“I’ve been living in the future for three years. I wasn’t here for any of it.”

That’s the real cost of arrival fallacy. It steals the present by convincing you your life begins later.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND WHY WE DO THIS

1. Hedonic Adaptation
   Research shows humans adapt to positive changes shockingly fast. Promotions, money, achievements, all give a brief rise in happiness, but within weeks we settle back to our usual baseline.

2. Dopamine Prediction Error
   The anticipation of achieving something releases more dopamine than the achievement itself. Your brain literally values the chase over the reward.

3. The Moving Goalpost Effect
   Neuroscientists found that once you reach a goal, your brain immediately recalibrates what “success” means. Your standard rises and satisfaction drops.

4. Social Comparison Theory
   With constant exposure to others’ achievements, your brain resists feeling “finished.” Someone is always ahead, so your mind believes you must keep sprinting.

Your brain is not broken. It’s simply following ancient wiring in a modern world.

PRACTICAL STEPS TO BREAK THE ARRIVAL FALLACY

1. Daily “Enough” Check
   Ask yourself: What about today is already enough?
   This interrupts the thought pattern “I’ll be happy when…”

2. Replace Milestone Goals with Identity Goals
   Instead of “I want a promotion,” shift to “I want to become someone who builds meaningful, excellent work.” Identity goals create lasting satisfaction.

3. Create Micro-joys
   Add small, regular moments your nervous system can anchor to sunlight, a slow breakfast, a walk, a conversation. You train your brain to experience joy now.

4. Limit Future Fantasizing
   Your mind uses the future as an escape. Set a daily 2 minute window to think about long term goals. Outside that window, return to the moment.

5. Measure Feeling, Not Progress
   Track how present you felt today. Not how much you achieved. Presence compounds into fulfillment.

6. Redefine Success as a State, Not a Point
   Success isn’t a milestone. It’s a way of being: engaged, alive, grounded.

7. Use “Already” as a Reframe
   Instead of “I’ll be confident when…”
   Try “I’m already becoming the person I needed to be.”

WHERE LISA IS NOW

She’s still VP, still hardworking, still ambitious. But she’s no longer waiting to feel okay.

Some days she enjoys the work. Some days she doesn’t.
But she isn’t gambling her happiness on the next milestone.

“I’m not chasing the feeling anymore,” she said.
“I’m trying to find it in the life I already have.”

THE HARD TRUTH

What you’re chasing right now won’t make you as happy as you expect. Your goals matter, but your brain keeps shifting the horizon every time you reach it.

There is no final arrival. So ask yourself: What goal have you been expecting to fix how you feel and what if it won’t?

If this stirred something in you, share it. Someone else might be postponing their life too.