The Comparison Trap

On a quiet evening, Arnav sat on the hostel terrace scrolling through Instagram stories. His classmate just bagged an internship at Google. Another posted a picture with a caption: “Built my first AI app. Let’s gooo.”

One had just hit 100k on LinkedIn. And there he was barely managing to complete his last assignment, wondering why he felt so small. He looked up at the sky. Everything looked calm, yet his chest carried a storm.

And in another corner of the world, Tanya… now working in a fast-paced corporate firm sat in her studio apartment after another 12-hour shift. She had a decent salary, a good team, and yet, when she saw a peer from college now traveling Europe as a full-time creator, her heart sank.

“Am I falling behind?” she whispered.

Different age. Same ache.
The quiet ache of comparison.

The Silent Virus We All Carry

Comparison doesn’t always scream. It seeps in quietly like water through cracks. In school and college, it’s grades, internships, scholarships, and “how well you’re doing for your age.”

In your twenties and thirties, it becomes salaries, promotions, startups, relationships, buying your first car, or house. We start collecting metrics. Not for meaning, but for measuring our worth in someone else’s mirror.

And that’s when it begins: The internal war between where you are and where you think you “should” be. But here’s the thing: There is no “should.”

Everyone’s life runs on different tracks.
Yet we often judge ourselves by someone else’s train schedule.

The Science of Why We Compare

Psychologists have studied this deeply. Social comparison theory, coined by Leon Festinger, says that we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others.

It’s a survival mechanism. Thousands of years ago, comparing ourselves to others kept us in sync with the tribe helping us learn what skills were valuable, how to stay safe, how to be accepted.

But now? We’re not comparing within small villages. We’re comparing with millions of filtered, curated highlight reels. And that’s mentally exhausting.

A 2021 study by the University of Pennsylvania found that reducing social media use to just 30 minutes a day significantly decreased feelings of depression and loneliness, both heavily linked to upward comparison.

So... How Do You Escape It?

Not by deleting Instagram. Not by pretending you don’t care.
But by choosing to return home to yourself.

Here’s how you do it slowly, mindfully, and practically:

1. Switch from Comparison to Curiosity

Instead of saying “Why not me?”, ask “What can I learn from them?”

Let someone’s win become a case study, not a judgment. If your friend just launched a successful side hustle, don't sulk, study. How did they do it? What systems did they build? What habits powered them?

Turn envy into data.
Let inspiration outrun insecurity.

2. Zoom Out of the Highlight Reel

That person who just cracked a top company? You didn’t see their nights of doubt.
That influencer who bought a car? You didn’t see the 7 years of unseen effort.

People showcase the fruit, rarely the roots. Instead of assuming “they have it all figured out,” remember this: Everyone is battling something they don’t post.
Including you. Including them.

3. Track Internal Metrics, Not External Ones

Build a scorecard that only you can win.

• Did I grow 1% today?

• Did I show up with discipline, even if it was messy?

• Did I learn something new or stay aligned with my long-term values?

That’s real progress. That’s the game. When you win by your own rules, the outside world loses its power to dictate your worth.

4. Curate Your Environment

Unfollow or mute people who make you feel small without adding value.

Follow creators who teach, who inspire slow growth, not fake perfection.

Design your digital world to feel like a garden, not a battlefield.

5. Talk to Real People. Not Just Reels.

Conversations restore reality. Talk to friends, mentors, teammates. Ask them how they’re really doing. You’ll realize no one has it figured out.
We’re all patching up holes while pretending the ship is fine.

That honesty breaks the illusion. And it heals you.

A Final Reminder from the Terrace

Months later, Arnav got clarity not because his circumstances drastically changed, but because he stopped asking, “What are others doing?” and started asking, “What do I want to create today?”

He picked up that abandoned YouTube channel again. He stopped checking LinkedIn 5 times a day. He started journaling his own wins, no matter how small.

And slowly, joy returned. Not loud joy. Not viral joy.
But a quiet, resilient, self-made joy.

The kind that comes when you finally stop running in someone else’s race.

Read This Again:

CTA – Your Next Step:

This week, mute 5 accounts that trigger unnecessary comparison.
And start a new journal section titled:
“My Wins” – Log one personal win every day, however small.

Because life’s too short to live someone else’s dream.
Your story is worth staying with.